Saying Goodbye

These past couple of months have been more incredible rewarding and amazing than I could have ever expected. But along with the amazing experiences moving away from home has allowed me, I've also missed things. I've grown accustomed to missing holiday, birthdays and festivities, but in the past couple of months I've missed something completely different. This isn't going to be a long winded post because I feel like the words are meaningless. Nothing will change. 

Grandpa, Dziadzia

On Feburary 9th, 2013 I lost my grandpa. Grandpa Lloydie was strong, caring, and compassionate. He used to bring Tim Hortons donuts to my skating lessons every weekend, which coined his nickname from my brother... donut. The summer before I started college he gave me $12 and told me to keep it in my wallet in case of emergencies. He used to sit at the head of the table and always carved the Thanksgiving turkey.

On September 28, 2013 I lost my dziadzia. He was born in Poland and had seen more death and destruction during the war than I will ever see in my lifetime. He loved going to the grocery store and having coffee with the boys, and was one of the luckiest gamblers alive. He was the most laid back and genuine person, always saying things like "too late now" after he missed a turn or made a mistake. He was a card shark and loved my babcia's cooking.

Tonight I lit a candle and said goodbye to two incredible men. It is so hard for me not to be with my family, but I know that both of them would want me to continue this incredible journey, they were both so proud of me and told me so at every opportunity.

I love you both so much, and I know you're watching over me. I hope you're playing cards together in heaven. xoxo.

Giving Myself Permission

I give you permission to be sad. Some days are happy, and as bloggers we're always talking about how we need to try and be more positive or how to make yourself happier. And that's great. Being happy is an amazing feeling, and something we should look for in even the smallest places.

via

But I give you permission to be sad. I give myself permission to be sad.

Today, I give myself permission to:

• Lay in bed all day
• Not talk to anyone if I don't want to
• Watch trashy tv
• Online shop
• Make a mess
• Eat pizza and ice cream
• Cry until my eyes are sore and dry
• Listen to sad music
• Cuddle under the covers
• Ignore the rest of the world
• Call in upset to work
• Be unhappy

Sometimes, it's okay to be sad. 

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I'm Baaackk! Stop, It's iPhone-Recap Time!

Hey friends! Thanks so much to all the lovely ladies who have been filling in for me for the past week, seriously, if I could give you an e-round of applause I would! All of those lovely ladies are actually sponsors of mine, and you should check their blogs out, along with all the other incredible ladies on my side bar now! If you're interested in seeing your face there, check out my sponsorship options here!

This past week has been a million kinds of crazy. Last Monday we packed all of our stuff into the car, and skipped town. I said goodbye to everything I had grown to love about Coffs Harbour (and the only place Trent has ever lived!) which was hard in so many ways. It's easy to get comfortable with such amazing people and places around you, but we both knew it was time for an adventure!

We drove for about 5 hours (through the pouring rain) before we stopped in Newcastle to see Trent's sister. We had a pretty excellent day, even though it was pouring down. They showed me the sights and we drove all around the city, checking out all the headlands. We stopped for tapas at The Depot, which I  highly recommend  they were delicious! After that we headed to Harry's Pies for dinner, not quite as delicious as the tapas. Actually, I was really disappointed. I definitely think these pies are more of a drunk food than a sober dinner! We ended up getting some really decadent chocolate desserts and settling in for the night watching bad tv and having a laugh! Breakfast the next morning was good - not great - but the company was awesome! I don't know what I was doing, but the only photo I have from the entire day we spent with her is this one of my Tiger Pie:

After Newcastle, we drove about 7.5 hours south past Sydney over to Albury. Albury is literally RIGHT on the border of NSW and Victoria, which was super exciting and nerve wrecking for both of us. We stayed the night in a cute little caravan park, and even got our groceries from Victoria (Trent wasn't very happy with me when he say the Welcome to Victoria sign). I felt pretty trailor-trashy, having my Budweiser and my steak with my ripped jeans in the trailer. It was fun! By the time we left, the rain had stopped but it was still crazy flooded everywhere!

Finally it was time for the last leg of our journey! The home stretch! We got in the car for one more long haul. We drove another 6ish hours even further south to get to Apollo Bay. Thing got pretty dicey, but then we saw the sign for the Great Ocean Road! It was so exciting to know that we were so close, and even in the pouring rain know that we were in a place so beautiful! (All of those photos are on my camera, coming tomorrow, I promise!) We finally made it into town and met up with our new boss. She was super nice, and even let us park our car in her driveway so all of our worldly possessions didn't get wet! Turns out, I was scheduled to start work the next day... yikes! We found a backpackers to spend the night in, and took a tour of the town. The next morning, I woke up bright and early to start work. 

After a couple of days of staying in the backpackers we were getting restless. All of our stuff in boxes? No thank you! We were also starting to run out of clothes... We went apartment hunting and finally settled on this little one bedroom unit in what we now know is "the Apollo Bay ghetto." Let me just tell you, this "ghetto" is the nicest ghetto I've ever seen. It's cheap and cheerful, furnished, and power is included. Wham bam thank you ma'am we have a new place to live!

I guess we were just going with the ghetto theme, because we bought a box of goon and had nachoes as our first meal in our new house! We're still getting things out of boxes and trying to find homes for everything (with very very little storage I might add) but for the most part we've settled in!

Being in Apollo Bay is completely different than Coffs Harbour, in so many different ways. I'm so so beyond excited to keep exploring this amazing place, AND everything in Victoria around me!

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Blogtember 1/20: What I Remember...

All of September I'm participating in "Blogtember" with Jenni from Story of My Life. The goal is to get back to blogging not to have "the coolest posts" but to share your story with the world. There will be a different prompt every day of the week - weekends are off! Today's prompt is:

Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.





Asking me where I'm from is a tough question. I can't answer with a place, or really a certain set of people (besides my immediate family). Growing up, I was constantly moving. 

Me and my Grandpa, I miss you.

I was born in Kitchener, Ontario (Canada). I lived there for the first 8 years of my life, which unfortunately are all pretty foggy. I know that I loved to sit on my neighbours rock in front of their house and would chat away to no one in particular for hours at a time. I remember having an awesome swimming pool with two different slides and a diving board, and that one time at my clown themed birthday party Alexander Buckingham pretended he could swim in the deep end and my dad had to save him. I remember my mom bringing home my new baby brother, who I couldn't play with because he came out backwards and was broken. I remember Easters, Christmases, Sunday dinners at Grandma's and birthdays. I remember my new baby sister who I "liked better" because I was allowed to hold her. I remember my awesome tree house that had a secret trap door, and that my dziadzia came and wired it so I could have a light in there. I remember wanting to live in that room forever. I also remember my first friend, Danielle. I remember sleepovers at her house and the magic barbie doll that actually blinked if you didn't look at it for long enough. I remember jumping up and down because I was excited I could stay for dinner and hitting my chin on the counter, resulting in chin tape and small scar I still have today. I remember the hot summer day we left, driving away in the mini van, not speaking to my parents for tearing me away from the place I grew up.

Top: Caitlyn and David aka love of my life Bottom: Emily and me. This was right after our grade 8 graduation!

When I was 8 we moved to Worcester, Massachusetts (USA). The first couple of years there are still slightly foggy, although there are a few distinct memories. I remember living in two different hotels. I remember watching my dad walk across the bridge in Cambridge, where we lived at the Double Tree. I remember living at the Embassy Suites and coming home from school with head lice. I remember packing my lunch from the continental breakfast and I remember my sister getting her hand stuck in the VCR. I remember the kind older waitresses who turned into grandmothers who gave us beanie babies when we moved out. I remember the funny accents and people calling water fountains bubblers. I remember being embarrassed because I was foreign.. different. I remember painting my bedroom with clouds on the walls, and I remember my first day of middle school. I remember talking about boys and painting my fingernails with my best friend Emily. I remember going to six flags and being grown up to go to the movies or to the mall all by ourselves. I remember shopping for anything pink and shiny and family dinners every night. I remember my first kiss with the boy "I was going to spend the rest of my life with." I remember the anger and hate towards my parents for making me leave everything I loved.. again.

L to R: Baking cookies, BFF Photoshoot, Grade 9 Orientation, Spirit Day

When I was 14 we moved to Guelph, Ontario (Canada).  I was headed into my first year of high school, at a new school where I knew no one. I had been on top of the world in my last school. I remember feeling anxious and terrified. I remember walking in and not knowing anyone. I remember eating my lunch in the bathroom alone because I was too scared to eat with anyone else. I remember trying out for cheerleading and being told I wasn't peppy enough. I remember making my first friends a couple months into school and racing home to tell my mom. 

L to R: Grade 9 Semi formal, the ex boy and I, Cassy and I at prom

I remember learning and developing and changing. I remember fighting with my parents (sorry mom + dad!) and trying to grow up too fast. I remember my first job, at Dairy Queen. I remember my first boyfriend, and my second. I remember falling in love, and giving him everything. I remember having my heart broken. I remember not having a date to prom, and my best friend and true knight-ess in shining armour coming to my rescue. I remember packing up all of my stuff, and being so excited to leave.

L to R: My alter ego Rebaybay, me and Chelsea as big boss chefs, Me and Daniela at a conference.

When I was 18 I moved out to Niagara On The Lake, Ontario (Canada). It was my first year of college and I was determined to make it a fresh start. I wanted to be a "cool kid." I made it my goal to say to everyone I met, "Hi, I'm Becky." It worked... kinda. I remember signing my first lease and meeting my first roommate (Zana!), and then the other two. I remember meeting my neighbours who then became my new best friends. I remember my first beer bong, my first game of beer pong, my first tequila shot (barely). I remember wanting to change so badly. I remember being in debt but not caring. I remember amazing classes, and then the ones I skipped. 

L to R: Zana, Carly, Me at Halloween. Our first party and "the sexmill". 2 Girls 10 Cups at our first beer pong tournament. Go team lingerie picture.

I remember house parties, girl nights, hangover Chinese buffets, secret santas and reindeer hunting. I remember making up words, making new friends, losing friends, making new ones. I remember hundreds of new facebook friends, contacts with names like "grey shirt guy" and having dibs on that cute guy in the burgundy shirt. I remember being fun, slutty, happy. I remember a falling out. I remember being scared and feeling alone. I remember meeting Joe. I remember falling in love, feeling elated and ecstatic  I remember being more conservative, yet so happy. 

L to R: My first glimpse of the mountains. Sad in the airport. Flying above the clouds. 

Right before my 19th birthday I moved across the country to Lake Louise, Alberta. We were required to do a 5 month co-op period for our culinary management co-op diploma. I left my boyfriend, my regular life, and all internet and cell phone service behind and packed my bags for what can only be described as the summer from hell, or the best decision I have ever made. I remember being in a long distance relationship with no technology to connect us. I remember spending hours in my room or watching tv and ignoring the beautiful mountains. I remember never feeling good enough, and always working breakfast (aka the shit shift). I remember working 16 hour days for $90. I remember getting yelled at, getting pushed around, and getting better. I remember crying myself to sleep. I remember counting down the days until I went back home, and I remember the day I left for the airport. 

Some school things and Joe and I before I left for Alberta.

When I was 19 I moved back to Niagara On The Lake, Onatrio to complete my second year of school. I remember hating my new roommates. I remember feeling more alone than ever. I remember feeling isolated from my friends and reaching out for new ones. I remember living with my boyfriend and never quite feeling right about it. I remember pulling away. I remember skipping classes. I remember random nights out with my friends. I remember the feeling of it all slipping away and there was nothing I could do to get it back. I remember getting 2 jobs, working hard, trying to make myself feel stable and happy. I remember getting that phone call, and agreeing to leave.

Top: Last night out with the Baker Creek Crew, Night out with old friends and new, big drink with Chelsea. 

Bottom: Smiles in the ski lift, ice skating on Lake Louise, photoshoot in the kitchen.

Right before my 20th birthday I moved back across the country to Lake Louise, Alberta. I went back to the same place for the same person. I was working for slightly more money, but still zero respect. I remember my relationship ending. I remember a new one accidentally forming. I remember being unhappy and more alone than ever. I remember my best friends moving across country. I started to remember all of the amazing things that college had been. I remember an explosion of tempers, a broken door frame, and a broken heart (not mine). I remember being terrified. I remember things starting to get better. I remember starting to break out of the shell I had built for myself so long ago, and brushing off so many insecurities. I remember seeing friends fall in love, become better, be happier. I remember making new great friends, and branching out in my career. I remember learning more in 4 months than I learned in school. I remember snowboarding in the Rocky Mountains, and conquering my fears. I remember my heart being stolen, if only for a second. I remember making the decision to leave. 

Top: Zana and I before the Coffs Cup, Trent and I at sunset. 

Middle: Skydiving! Smiles at our bonfire. 3pm foot photos.

Bottom: Pictures at Nambucca Heads, Our first photo in Australia, My Kombi obsession at Splendour in the Grass. 

In February 2013, I moved across the world to Australia. I have since explored Coffs Harbour. I have met some incredible people and have made my mark on this place. I have worked in a kitchen completely different to anything I had worked in before. I have probably over indulged  but I have had fun. I have let this country have a part of my heart. I have met someone who I truly feel makes me a better person and supports me in every endeavour. I have seen whales jumping out of the water at sunset and jumped out of a plane.

Someone once said to me, the only thing constant is change. I have changed location, changed plans, changed my mind. I have changed perspectives and opinions. But I am happy. 

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I Baked Today.

Today I stayed in bed until 2pm. Today I took a stupid picture of myself and sent it to my boyfriend while he was working. Today I had strawberries and greek yoghurt for breakfast and made the best dinner ever. (3 different kinds of homemade gnocci - sweet potato, potato, and potato spinach - garlic cream sauce, sauteed veggies, and pan seared pork chop) I played a million games of candy crush. I made a strawberry pound cake with a crumb topping. I hung out the washing and forgot to do another load. I watched 5 episodes of Community and fed the dogs. I didn't take a picture of any of it.

I had a good day. I missed you though, sweet time stealing internet. Today I did something for the first time in a long time. I went to the kitchen and baked. I measured flour, sugar, almond meal, eggs, and greek yoghurt. I beat the eggs and the butter and gently folded in the strawberries. I added a touch of orange zest for that extra zing. I was creative and I was calm. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. These past few months have felt draining, and it was such a good release. Knowing that adding a pinch of salt would sweeten the strawberries perfectly was therapeutic. I was in control. I pulled the cakes out of the oven, fluffy and warm with the sweet crisp topping. And I realized, I am in control. I'm in control of my life and my future. As cheesy as that sounds, it was good to think that I can do exactly what I want to do, as long as I set my mind to it! 

Talk to you tomorrow. :)

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Happy 50th Birthday Momma Goose!

(August 2012, Lake Louise, Alberta)

This is my momma, and I love her a lot. :)

And it is her birthday!!

Happy 50th birthday to the greatest mom there ever was. Thanks mom, for:

Supporting my move to Australia

Always trying to take my picture even though I always pull faces like ^ that one

Teaching me to be a strong and independent woman, like you

Making sure I knew how to assemble a book case and change a tire by myself

Supporting my baking and trying all my BRAP pies, even though you don't like pie

Laughing at my dumb jokes

Trying to show me how to dress myself

Not giving up even when I decided jeans and tshirts were the only way to go

Visiting me in the mountains

For trying everything and anything to get me to eat breakfast..

And lunch

And especially for putting up with me during my rebellious teenage years, I'm still sorry about those!

(January 2013 and Sometime around 2001)

Love you more than anything!!

Wish I could be home to celebrate with you!

Seductive Life: Autumn in Australia!

March marks the beginning of autumn in Australia (no one calls it fall here, so autumn it is!) and my oh my has it been an interesting month.

 I did some super touristy things like...

 Visiting the Bunker Cartoon Gallery in Coffs Harbour (Bunker = cool, lack of cartoons = lame)

and ice skating at the Big Banana!

We celebrated lots!

Like Trent's birthday <3 

and St Patty's Day!

I also went out with a lot of friends...

Like Ozzie and Zana!

And Zana and Kelly!

Zana and I even joined a band!

I ate lots of sushi and sandwiches...

And I love taking pictures on walkways!

In Urunga...

And Dorrigo!

March has been amazing to me, and I'm sure April will not disappoint!! 

For other Seductive Life posts and to see my Australian Journey so far click here! :)

To This Day...

This video is amazing. Watching this broke my heart and put it back together again.

It's full of real feelings and maybe I'm just a big glass case of emotions but it dragged me back to high school and middle school and elementary school and everything I carry around with me every single day.

I don't consider myself to be "bullied" because I never let them see me cry... but I still have insecurities and fears that are real and were reinforced during my childhood...

Watch the video. I promise you that this video will have some sort of effect on you.

Seductive Life Recap Part 1: CUBA!

 Wow, life has been pretty hectic in the past couple of weeks. And by hectic I mean in the best possible way!! I quit my job in the mountains, flew back home, vacationed in Cuba with my bestest friend and then hopped on another couple of planes and flew all the way over to my new home in AUSTRALIA! 

I'm super beyond excited about living in Australia, but first be jealous of my awesome vacation in beautiful Cuba!

Due to the best mix up ever with the booking agency, we were upgraded to the beautiful Paradisus Princessa Del Mar in Veradero. Five stars, amazing pools and all inclusive. Although, for two single girls under 40, maybe not the ideal vacation spot but it suited our relaxed vacation needs just fine!

 

We spent almost every day either at the beach or by the pool except when it rained :( Even then we sat underneath the umbrellas and enjoyed the warmer weather! I may have sun burnt a little tiny bit but I used up 2 bottles of sunscreen... pale girl problems!

  

We had some really amazing street food in downtown Veradero. This giant plate of chicken, salad, two different kinds of rice and potatoes only cost 3 Pesos, or about $3.25 Canadian Dollars!! We followed the locals to see where they were eating and there was a line of about 30 people in front of this little street stand! Mmmmmmm can't stop thinking about it. So. Good.

We drank...

A lot. (World's biggest wine glass?! It was actually the size of my head!)

I had an amazing vacation with my amazing best friend!! I would tell you go go go and get your butt to Cuba!