Saturday, 17 August 2013

Shit Gets Real at Sunset

Okay, this rant isn't really at sunset, I just wanted something good to offset the bad. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. And by it, I mean everything. Seriously, even the good things in my life I feel like I'm messing them up. Where shall we start...

My Blog

I love blogging. Blogging is so super fun to me, but I never feel like I'm doing it right. I want people to read my blog! I want to be part of a blog community! I try so hard I swear! I do all the things you're supposed to. I read so so many blogs every day and most of the time I leave comments on them. I follow so many people on Bloglovin, twitter, facebook, every inch of social media I follow a million different people. And yes, I'm whining and complaining because no one's reading my blog. I've had this blog for over a year now and I'm only just now hitting my groove. Ok ok, not to say that I haven't met a handful of amazing people, and call me selfish but I know all of your stories, I just want someone to know mine!

My Job

I love working... and right now I'm not. At all. Working is so much fun to me, and I'm going absolutely stir crazy. It's a 2nd year visa requirement for me to do 88 days of regional farm work in Australia. I have been applying for jobs like crazy, I check online to see if there are new jobs 5, 6 times per day. I apply for every single job that even sounds remotely possible. For the past 2 weeks. I have received exactly one email saying thanks but no thanks, and exactly ZERO phone calls. No one I calls picks up. No one I email responds. I'm so stressed out because I have next to no money and bills to pay and I need to get this job before October.

My Time in Australia

I love Australia. Well, I love what I've seen in Australia. Which is almost nothing. When I was planning my trip, I thought I would live in Coffs Harbour for 2-3 months and then continue on my travels. It's now been 6 months and 10 days and I NEED OUT. This is NOT what I wanted. This is NOT what I signed up for. I want to see this amazing country and if I don't manage to fruit pick all I will have seen will be Coffs Harbour. Coffs is beautiful, yes, but I want to see the Opera House. I want to go 4WDriving on Fraser Island. I want to see the big rock in the middle. I want to walk the great ocean road. And yet, I'm still here. 

My Relationship

I love Trent. we are so good together, when things are good. We make each other laugh, we comfort each other when we're unhappy and I can't see a future without him. But lately, things have been bad. Not always, not every minute of every day bad, but we fight. We fight about stupid things like why the pizza crust didn't work out the way I wanted it to. Yeah, that seems silly right? We both know it's silly but we can't help it! We're so stressed and so upset and so freaked out by all of the things not happening around us, and we take it out on each other.

I didn't know if I should post this or not, but in the interest of being real I thought I'd let you see a little bit more of who I am. I'm insecure, and right now I feel like I'm drawing a lot of first world shit straws. I just want everything to be fixed and perfect and lovely, but that's not life is it. That's not real. I just need to sort myself out and make a plan. I'm in control of my own destiny. My life is the way I choose it to be. 

Thanks for listening. 

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